My Internal Confusion

I escape my problems. I ignore my fears.
I cover my pain. And don't shed tears.
I don't want to face up. To what I already know.
I have SEEN the ending. Of my reality show.
To me this drug's a doorway. A way to run from it all.
If I re-enter to reality. I know that I will fall.
You should be the one to catch me. But it's not you who's there.
This drug is in your place. And you say I'm unfair.
You gave me the Ultimatum. "It's me or this drug".

And you say these words with nothing more. Than a cold, heartless shrug.
You said I have a choice to make. And you want my answer now.
I want to chose, I really do. But I simply don't know how.

I'm so afraid that I am losing. Every single thing I worked for.
I feel as if the one I love is. Pushing me through that door.
When I reached the point of no return. And Even tried to die.

I said I didn't love you. We both know THAT'S a lie.
I love you more than anything. When you are truly there.
But I hate you even more. When you act like you don't care.
If you love me like you say you do. Then why can't you realize.
I'm not asking you to move mountains. Just simply open up your eyes.

If you could see inside my heart. Then you'de know without a doubt.
I'm not the "Tweaker" you say I am. Meth's NOT what I'm about.

I want to choose you Oh So Bad. Without giving Meth a chance.
I wish I could move on. Without a second glance.
But that isn't even possible. Not with the way things are today.

I feel as if I'm in control. "This drug's not in my way".

I know your not responsible. Meths not your claim to fame.

But through the glass Life's wonderful.

Right then it's not "The Game".
I will always look back and wonder. If I can truly cope.
I know when things get rough. I'll always think of dope.

I want to not have an addiction. I wish I could get clean.
When I want it I feel bad. Cause I think it's you that's mean.
I know I't not just hurting me. When I think about the past.
I know I don't have time to waste. Life comes at you TOO FAST!